Thursday, June 11, 2009

What I WON'T Be Doing This Summer....


Finally, I thought this school year would NEVER end. It was like one
of those horrible nightmares where you think you woke up but didn't...
like the dream sequence in An American Werewolf in London. At any
rate, I'm gonna give the kids a whole two days to live it up...I'm even
planning a trip to one of the national parks here (they have HOT DOG TREE
HERE!!! yeah, they're really IS such a thing.) tomorrow for a picnic and
soccer and running around and playing with some friends of ours. THEN, I am
going to blindside them with chores. See, I let them slide all academic year long.
But summertime is "help a mother out" time. I figure it this way, if I have to
endure your asses all summer long, complete with fighting, whining, spraying
each other by pointing the bidet spray out of the toilet when someone unlocks
the bathroom door with a spoon from the outside and walks in on the other for
taking too long....then dammit I'm getting some recompense outta the situation.

Each kid will have one day a week to do dishes. While ideally I should have had
7 kids so I'd never have to do dishes, the ole uterus crapped out on me after 5,
so we had it scrapped. And since Randa is autistic and has issues with bubbles
unless she's blowing them with gum or sitting in them in the tub, I'll still be doing
dishes 3 days outta the week. BUT 4 days outta 7 I'll NOT have dishpan hands.

Also, since Hamo and Ismail like to beat the hell out of one another from the
time they get up in the morning (an hour or two before I do) until they go to
bed at night, I've decided that another thing I won't be doing this summer is
buying bread. No sirree, Bob! I'll get out of bed long enough to hand each one
a bread basket and a one-pound note and send they're argumentative behinds
down the road to go stand in the bread lines for me. I'll be under the ceiling fan
dreaming blissfully of childless days of yore on the beaches of Mykonos, when
my thighs were firm and my ass hadn't fallen and hit me in the back of the knees.

The third thing I'll NOT be doing this summer is "vacationing" at my sister-in-law's
beach villa on the northern shores of Egypt. I lost 4 kilos in 10 days working my
butt off there last year and left pissed off, sunburned and not speaking to any of my
husband's relatives for 6 months afterward. No reason to burn bridges again.
Besides, I swore to God Almighty that I'd never go back to that place again. We'll
just go to the local beaches or rent a place by ourselves and have fun the way we
want with no familial differences.

What I will be doing is finishing the mosaic table top that the kids and I started two
years ago, sewing, painting with the kids, and taking them on as many outings as I can
manage without losing my so-called mind. I'm thinking museums, beach, parks, maybe
a soccer game at the local stadium provided the visiting team is NOT from the UK!
I think we'll have a boatload of fun...Happy Summer.

p.s. Only 90 more days until school starts again.


Monika said...

Remember that "Back to School" commercial by Staples that started playing in early August and ran through mid-September about 10 years ago? It started off with Christmas music: "It's the most wonderful time...of the year...da da da da..." and it had the parents skipping joyfully through the Staples store pushing a grocery cart gathering school supplies and the kids trudging miserably behind them. Just'll be living it in about 2 weeks. hahahahahaha. I was all gung ho about summer and our activities and outings too a month ago when we started our summer break. Yesterday as I threatened to beat them both at a grocery store while trying to get a few staples, I started counting the days until summer camp (26). I think your beach plan (not going to that bitch burger's beach house) is a good one. Rent your own place and make memories with your kids that don't involve some self-righteous bitch calling her own flesh and blood nasty names. The boys don't need that kind of influence. Enjoy your summer! Love you, Me

nikkimohamed said...

See? Someone besides me likes that commercial! AND bitch-burger notwithstanding, I made it abundantly clear to her brother (aka your bro-in-law) that I would NOT step foot on her property again and I'd fry in hell first.
SOOOOO, because he's a good guy and doesn't want to see me fry in hell, he agreed we'll get our own place for the summer. so there.
and you're kinda right....only it's been 3 days and i'm ready to ship 'em all off to camp...prisoner of war camp. see today's blog for more fodder.