Thursday, August 7, 2008

If I Were Queen for a Day

I have always had a short fuse. With age, marriage and five kids I've managed to
stretch that fuse time and time again. The result of this practice is that most people
think that I have the patience of Job. NOTHING could be further from the truth.
I do TRY to have patience but I'm not really very good at it. I AM very good at holding
my temper at bay. THAT, my friends, requires self-control and not patience.

Today my "hit list" would be quite long if I were Queen for the Day. And when I say
"hit list" I MEAN hit list. I've always believed that it is a GOOD thing that I do not
have any control of who lives and who dies in this world. Today I decided that it is
also a good thing that I don't decide HOW. Had I been Queen for the Day today, the
guy who runs our Internet Service Provider office would have been slapped with wet
hands across the face for about 3 hours and then catapulted into space directly onto whatever satellite our DSL is coming from in order that he fix it manually once he figures out how to get out of the straight jacket he'd be wearing. (How he'd get home
would fall fittingly into the category of "NOT my problem"...which apparently is
the category of internet access complaints when customers call him.)

Also, the boy who delivers groceries fromthelocal market would have made the list
tonight. I've always considered him an oxygen thief since the first time I bought a
kilogram of flour and 3 eggs and this little brain-donor recipient hopeful just tossed
all 3 eggs right into the bag of flour...chicken poop and all. I handed the bag to the
store owner and asked for a new order to be filled and suggested this boy's mother
could deal with the now poopy flour. He's put my cheese in the same bag with the
bottle of bleach and thrown a can of corned beef on top of the fresh bread. Here in
Egypt we have our own little way of preventing strangers from coming up to our apartments. We call for a delivery and then lower a basket down with a rope. I told
the owner when I called for the order that I'd need change. He sent it. But instead
of putting it into the bag with the order, he threw it loosely into the basket on top of
the bags of stuff. When my son pulled the basket up to the window the money blew
out of the basket into the dark street. It took about 30 minutes and most of the charge
of my cellphone being used as a flashlight for the boys to find that 6.50 pounds.
(That's enough to buy breakfast tomorrow morning!) Anyway, this genius definitely
made the list tonight.

Now, I'd never put my children on my "hit list" for death. However, the 3 boys have
earned permanent positions on the "stepping on my last nerve" list. Aiman is now up to 4 days of being grounded from computer games and Hamo has lost 2 days. Samiya learned her lesson last night and only has one more computer-less day. Ismail smelled hours of endless play about the time the other 3 kids lost their first days and he went straight to sleep. Smart kid. I'm thinking of making them clean the bathroom tomorrow, too. Each one responsible for one specific porcelain item to clean. Aiman
is SO looking at toilet duty. He's the ring leader in the bedtime olympic games. Grrrr.

I may not ever get to be Queen for the Day over all the universe....but with these kids,
I'm Queen every day. I guess it's a pretty good position to have.

Friday, August 1, 2008

My Camera-Related Tirade

Oh, MAN! I'm having a wicked camera-related headache and I'm not exactly sure how
to cure it -- short of smashing it against a wall. This, of course, would be another bad
example of how to handle frustration in front of my kids. So I'm saving that as the
absolutely final option. It would also end in my husband ceasing to speak to me since it cost him a little over 125 Euros to buy it for me.

At any rate, I cannot figure out how to download the freaking pictures from the camera to the computer. I'm not so stupid as to not know how to connect the USB cable, etc. This works fine. But then what? I've already downloaded the software AND
there is no option that you click on that says "download photos from camera." Also,
before anyone helpful tries to suggest I read the owner's manual, I cannot. Due to the
fact that my husband purchased this camera in Greece and even though only TWO
(yup, count them TWO) countries in the entire world (Greece and Cyprus) speak
Greek and even though it is a Canon camera and even though Greece is part of the
European Union, where most business is done in either English or French, the
blankety-blank owner's manual is STRICTLY in Greek. Of course being the fine
company that it is, Canon did include a CD version of the manuals in English in the
box. The only problem is that my retarded computer continually gives me the "not responding" error message everytime I open it to the "how to download your photos"
page. *sigh*

Apparently, it is not destined that anyone should see anymore photos of my beautiful
children. (At least not this week.)
So, when I'm finished tantrumming and finally figure this stupid thing out....
maybe things will turn around and you'll get to see all the photos.
God willing....