Thursday, August 7, 2008

If I Were Queen for a Day

I have always had a short fuse. With age, marriage and five kids I've managed to
stretch that fuse time and time again. The result of this practice is that most people
think that I have the patience of Job. NOTHING could be further from the truth.
I do TRY to have patience but I'm not really very good at it. I AM very good at holding
my temper at bay. THAT, my friends, requires self-control and not patience.

Today my "hit list" would be quite long if I were Queen for the Day. And when I say
"hit list" I MEAN hit list. I've always believed that it is a GOOD thing that I do not
have any control of who lives and who dies in this world. Today I decided that it is
also a good thing that I don't decide HOW. Had I been Queen for the Day today, the
guy who runs our Internet Service Provider office would have been slapped with wet
hands across the face for about 3 hours and then catapulted into space directly onto whatever satellite our DSL is coming from in order that he fix it manually once he figures out how to get out of the straight jacket he'd be wearing. (How he'd get home
would fall fittingly into the category of "NOT my problem"...which apparently is
the category of internet access complaints when customers call him.)

Also, the boy who delivers groceries fromthelocal market would have made the list
tonight. I've always considered him an oxygen thief since the first time I bought a
kilogram of flour and 3 eggs and this little brain-donor recipient hopeful just tossed
all 3 eggs right into the bag of flour...chicken poop and all. I handed the bag to the
store owner and asked for a new order to be filled and suggested this boy's mother
could deal with the now poopy flour. He's put my cheese in the same bag with the
bottle of bleach and thrown a can of corned beef on top of the fresh bread. Here in
Egypt we have our own little way of preventing strangers from coming up to our apartments. We call for a delivery and then lower a basket down with a rope. I told
the owner when I called for the order that I'd need change. He sent it. But instead
of putting it into the bag with the order, he threw it loosely into the basket on top of
the bags of stuff. When my son pulled the basket up to the window the money blew
out of the basket into the dark street. It took about 30 minutes and most of the charge
of my cellphone being used as a flashlight for the boys to find that 6.50 pounds.
(That's enough to buy breakfast tomorrow morning!) Anyway, this genius definitely
made the list tonight.

Now, I'd never put my children on my "hit list" for death. However, the 3 boys have
earned permanent positions on the "stepping on my last nerve" list. Aiman is now up to 4 days of being grounded from computer games and Hamo has lost 2 days. Samiya learned her lesson last night and only has one more computer-less day. Ismail smelled hours of endless play about the time the other 3 kids lost their first days and he went straight to sleep. Smart kid. I'm thinking of making them clean the bathroom tomorrow, too. Each one responsible for one specific porcelain item to clean. Aiman
is SO looking at toilet duty. He's the ring leader in the bedtime olympic games. Grrrr.

I may not ever get to be Queen for the Day over all the universe....but with these kids,
I'm Queen every day. I guess it's a pretty good position to have.

3 comments:

Moni Moni Queen of Bologna said...

I'm Queen every day. At least my little prince and princess think I'm the Queen. If only I had some "off with their heads" power myself....

I taught Liam how to give the "stink eye." That's about the extent of my power over other people....dirty looks and occasional hand gestures.

Call me Queen Drinks-a-Lot.

Monika said...

What is up with your blog? No new entries in ....a gazillion years. Hook me up with some updatage.

nikkimohamed said...

Yeah, yeah...I'm working on it.