Wednesday, July 22, 2009

HEAT is a Four-Letter Word

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's HONKIN' HOT in Egypt
in the Summertime. But ohmigosh! It's hotter than it's ever ever ever
been in the nearly 8 years I've lived here. I swear, we sweat IN THE
SHOWER! I've had to send out my two oldest kids to get part-time jobs
JUST to afford the antiperspirant. Okay, not really. But it truly is
hotter than hot. And humid. It's so bloody humid that if it were just
one percent more humid, it would be raining. Damn the luck. If it WERE
raining in Egypt, it would be winter.

And do you wanna talk about thirst? I don't. I'm quite tired of talking
about it, frankly. I have saved up about 16 soda bottles that we refill
with water and keep in the freezer and refrigerator in order to help beat
the heat. I dutifully fill up allllllllllll the water bottles and re-arrange
the refrigerator (because ALL family members EXCEPT mothers pile
every damn thing in the kitchen onto the top shelf of the fridge as though
all other refrigerator shelves are just imaginary) and stock all the filled
bottles at night so that we can have cold water to drink during the
scorching heat of the day. Sounds like a plan, right? WRONG! I've got 5
little sponges running around behind me sucking down all the water
before it even chills 5 degrees! They get up to go to the bathroom in the
middle of the night and chug down an entire liter of cold water out of the
fridge. HELLO??? Why do you think you're peeing every 9.8 minutes???
Because everyone knows when you drink 1 liter of water, 2 liters comes
out! And since it takes me until around 3:30 am to get all of them in bed,
bladders drained and refilled several times over, they all get up before
I do. And of course, they start drinking all the water again. Does anyone
refill a bottle? Of course not. This would require at least 37 minutes of
the "It's not MY turn!" argument, followed by symptoms similar to the
D.W.C.'s (Dish Washing Cramps- the sudden urge to have to poop upon
being told it's your turn to wash the dishes.) And so around 11am after
I've had a couple of cups of coffee and decide I need a glass of water to
help get me through another flaming hot day in Egypt, I open the fridge
to find a plate of dried up cheese and a half-eaten apple (on the top shelf)
and NO WATER BOTTLES. Nope, they're all empty and piled in the sink.
Oh, and the ice cube tray? At least they stuck it back in the freezer, helpful

And the next person who asks me, "How about that heat?" is going to be
told: "HEAT YOU!"


Shannan said...

D.W.C.'s is hilarious!! My girls are too young for those yet, but Opal gets bed time cramps, all of a sudden, right after going to bed at night and must spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom every night, which includes washing her hands and flushing the big potty at least 5 times even though she uses a little potty right now!

Shannan said...

Oh, I got a little side tracked. Sorry about the heat. Hope it gets better sometime soon. We bought a small big :) pool and spend as much time in it as possible. Luckily, we don't live in the humidity any more and pregnancy hormones are finally gone, so the heat seems much better!

Monika said...

No wonder your hubby is making a break for cooler climates. Sounds miserable....and I'm saying that from the state that had an entire week over 100 last week. My grass is dead, but I have lots of air conditioning (please don't ask me about the size of my carbon footprint because it rivals Big Foot) and my Brita in the fridge is always cold. Don't hate me because my kids are too little to pour. You should make a bunch of cool aid popsicles. Doesn't that sound good right now?