Bi-Partisan Special on "Dancing with the Stars"

Okay, so NOT REALLY but you HAVE to admit that this

photo is an absolute scream! Couple this image with Alec

Baldwin's reference to the Republican candidates as the

"Mc Bush-Bible Spice" ticket while he was on Letterman

the other night and we have a winner in the FUNNY dept.

****Note to all my right-winger relatives: I WILL delete

any nasty comments about my political views, to which I

believe I'm entitled whether I'm a liberal or not!****

So, Monika and Shauna will both be relieved that I'm an

Obama supporter. My mom, dad, Denise, probably ALL

aunts on both sides of the family and ALL cousins at least

from the maternal side will don their black armbands and perhaps burn me AND Barack in effigy.

And that's okay, too. I'm okay with that. I was sooooooo

not thrilled with the Bush (the elder) /Clinton choice that I

voted for Ross Perot and I think my mom blamed me person ally for splitting the Republican vote. Oh, well.

My uncle Sid said that he would consider ME for president as a write-in candidate. I thanked him

for his support but told him that I'd have to respectfully decline the position. For several reasons

I would NOT be elected president.

1. Unlike Barack Obama, I actually AM a Muslim. So due to our lovely press in the US, they'd translate this to mean that I am a terrorist and would SOMEHOW find some sort of link between

my career as a SAHM and Al-Qaeda.

2. I could not be elected as president as I have a tendency to NOT spend money that I don't have. I don't really like buying on credit. It's just too easy to dig yourself a hole that you cannot

climb out of. (Just ask any of those million people who've had their homes foreclosed upon in the last year..."Pardon me, Ed McMahon.....if you had to do it all over again, would you have PAID for your house in cash or perhaps lived WITHIN your means?") I once lost a house to foreclosure

years before anyone knew this fiasco was happening.......could no longer afford the house, tried to sell but the market was saturated with old homes for sale and new homes kept getting built faster and bigger and more bionic? that it was a buyers market and all along the banks were approving more and more loans that they know people can't pay back. (And that was during Clinton's Administration!)

Been there, done that, don't want the t-shirt. I would as president provide tax incentives to first-time home buyers who PAY CASH for

their homes.

3. Another reason I'd probably never be elected as president is because I would boot all of the MEN off of the ways and means committees and any committee having to do with budget balancing. ONLY women congresspersons (or at least a majority of them would be women) who

have shown proof that they can balance their own checkbooks for at least one year, use coupons wisely to save on groceries in their own home (not just use coupons but actually use coupons for stuff they'd NORMALLY buy) and demonstrate that they can effectively renegotiate a loan via

telephone in front of ME. Anyone who leaves these tasks up to an accountant would immediately be removed from any budgetary policy decision-making jobs and be required to take a remedial

math course at the local community college of his/her choice at his/her OWN expense!

4. My foreign policies would walk hand-in-hand with my domestic policies. All funds currently being shipped overseas as "foreign aid" that are NOT actually for humanitarian efforts (we'll address those later) would be cut off immediately. This means that all this B.S. money that we've been shelling out for decades to countries like Israel, Egypt, Jordan, and more in an effort to get them to "play nice" with one another would be immediately redirected to build new homeless shelters in each state with at least 3 more dedicated to the District of Columbia. (I am AIPAC's

worst nightmare!)

Each shelter would be staffed with 1 full-time medical doctor and 1 full-time psychiatrist. (These positions would be MANDATORY 90-day rotations for 3rd year residents at all teaching hospitals.) Each shelter would have 1 full-time lawyer dedicated to helping the homeless with any

legal issues they may encounter, such as social security benefits, divorce, bankruptcy, military benefits, etc. The lawyers would also be doing 90-day rotations out of the larger law firms around the cities and work would be billed at the firm as pro bono.

The 1.7 million spent daily on wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, after I pull our military out of

both countries and allow these countries to get their own STUFF together, would be used to im-

prove the daily lives of our military that they so desperately need AND deserve. Their pay would be increased to put them at least above the poverty level so that the military wives do not have to spend hours on line to collect the food stamps that help them and their families to make it through the month to their next meager pay day! Yes, it's true. Those people defending your

country and fighting our (and others') wars aren't even making enough money per month to feed

their kids a lot of the time. It's amazing what most civilians don't know about military life!

There are a ton of foreign/domestic policies that I'd create, change or CAN altogether.

The Ann Coulters of the world are not ready for me. My dad and all of his FOX NEWS viewing companions would SOOOOOOOOO vote against me. Oh, yeah.

And these are just SOME of the reasons I'd never be elected and so I forego the waste of

time of campaigning! Go Barack.