Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Re-runs (0ct 9, 2007) The Wedgie Fascination

Note: I'm beginning a short series of 're-runs' of blogs that I'd previously posted on
myspace. I decided that I don't like myspace so much and decided to move my stuff here.
I've dated the re-runs with their original composition dates so as not to confuse my adoring
fans with incorrect dates and ages, etc. Please feel free to comment on the hilarity of me and
what a great writer I am....or not. Just please don't spam me to death with ads for sexual
enhancement medicaments. PLEASE!!!! Thanks in advance. Here goes:

Since the beginning of man wearing underwear with separate leg-holes, the males of our species have been fascinated with the wedgie. Cotton fabric being jammed as tightly and highly up one's hind region as is allowable by physics, is viewed as a source of pride among wedgie-givers worldwide. Although the practice, seemingly, tends to have been perfected in the United States, wedgie giving is alleged to date all the way back to a rather moody Japanese tailor, who one day just snapped as a result of having to look at yet another naked behind of the national Sumo wrestling team. Legend has it that he jerked the fabric so tightly into the wrestlers crack, that he went on to be the world champion by accidentally winning 10 of 10 matches when he was, in truth, only trying to uncrank the cloth from his colon. Since that time, the wedgie has travelled from continent to continent and has developed into the "Super Wedgie", "Hanging Wedgie" and the ever-feared "Atomic Wedgie." This six-letter word can bring even a 30-year old computer geek from Microsoft to tears, as it triggers dreaded memories of high school nightmares gone by.
And my sons, ages 6, 9 and 12, carry on the legend of the wedgie behind me as I type this right now. The Japanese tailor would be so proud.

P.S. (3 oct 2008) I just thought of one of my all time favorite wedgie scenes in movies....It would
have to be in that movie with Steve Martin, Queen Latifah and Jean Smart where Queen Latifah gives Steve Martin's sister-in-law a serious thrashing in the women's room at the country club and then hangs her up by her one-piece bathing suit on the doorstop on the upper corner of the changing room door. Definitely a wedgie worth respecting.

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